While on a work trip in London, I spent a few hours in Twickenham and shot this short film. Enjoy!
Related photo gallery of the Twickenham Tug of War
Author Archives: noahmasterson
Calling my reps #7: The Presidential Accountability Act
Got through to Rep. Roger Williams’s office and left this message:
I’m calling about HR 6340, Rep. Katherine Clark’s Presidential Accountability Act. Clark’s bill would would increase our homeland security by ensuring the homeland comes before the president’s personal interests; and it would ensure that the president is not immune from investigation. I’m calling to ask that you do your job, as a legislator and an American, and make sure Rep. Clark’s bill passes.
There is literally no chance he will support this bill. But we must apply pressure so he knows there is resistance.
Calling my reps #6: Trump Hotel
Every day brings a new horror. This week it was Kuwait moving their annual party from the Four Seasons to the Trump Hotel. I called Sens. Cornyn and Cruz with this short message:
Donald Trump needs to fully divest from the Trump Hotel and all other holdings. We cannot have a president who puts his personal interests ahead of those of the country.
Rep. Roger Williams has a new phone system (or maybe call volume was just higher than usual today) which did not allow messages.
Calling my Reps #5: Rex Tillerson
Short but sweet this morning:
I’m calling to ask my senator to vote NO on the nomination of Rex Tillerson as Secretary of State. I am concerned about Mr. Tillerson’s connections to Russia via ExxonMobil and his offshore company in the Bahamas. Thank you.
Credit: Your Daily Action
Calling my reps #4: Russian intervention in elections
Today I called my congressional representatives, all of them Republican, about the possible (let’s face it: probable) Russian hacking into our elections. This is more or less what I said:
Hello, I am one of your constituents in Texas. I am concerned about the possible foreign intervention from Russia into our presidential election. I encourage you to join your fellow GOP senators and representatives in calling for a full inquiry. This is not a democratic or republican issue. Our nation is founded on free and fair elections, and foreign intervention puts our democracy at risk. History, and voters, will not look kindly on representatives in Congress who looked the other way when a foreign government infiltrated our elections. Thank you.
If you’d like more scripts to use with your reps, you can follow along here.
Calling my reps #3: Ben Carson
I called Sen. Ted Cruz, Sen. John Cornyn, and Rep. Roger Williams today. This is what I said:
I’m calling to voice my concerns about the selection of Dr. Ben Carson as head of the Department of Housing and Urban Development, and to urge you to block his appointment in the Senate. I believe that Carson’s retrograde statements on public housing and fair housing rules to be a threat to the civil rights of countless American citizens, and I believe that he lacks the experience and expertise necessary for this position. I strongly advocate for you to block his nomination by all possible means, for the sake of the vulnerable Americans you serve.
Credit to tinyletter.com/Resist for the inspiration.
Calling my reps #2: Global Warming
I called Sen. Ted Cruz, Sen. John Cornyn, and Rep. Roger Williams today. This is what I said:
Hello, I am one of your consituents in Texas. I am concerned about global warming. I don’t believe that Republicans are genuine when they disagree with the scientific consensus that global warming is caused by humans and threatens our planet. Rather, Republicans are aware that the only real way to combat global warming is through progressive policies espoused by Democrats, such as investment in renewable energy and public transportation. It is time to put politics aside and do what is right for our children and grandchildren. We can debate the methods of fighting manmade global warming, but we must stop debating its existence. Thank you for listening.
All of my reps are Texas Republicans, so I’m trying to tailor my messages to that fact, in such a way that they might actually listen. I’m tracking all of my calls here. You are welcome to reuse what I wrote.
Calling my reps #1: Conflicts of interest
I called Sen. Ted Cruz, Sen. John Cornyn, and Rep. Roger Williams today. This is what I said:
Hello, I am one of your constituents in Texas. I am concerned about Trump’s many conflicts of interest. Passing control of his business interests to his children is not enough; he needs to completely divest and place his assets in a blind trust. Congressional Republicans are our best hope for providing checks and balances on Trump. Republicans who blindly accept Trump’s words and actions put our Democracy at risk, and set precedent for future administrations from either party. History, and voters, will reward only those who oppose Trump’s ethical lapses. Thank you for listening.
All of my reps are Texas Republicans, so I’m trying to tailor my messages to that fact, in such a way that they might actually listen. I’m tracking all of my calls here. You are welcome to reuse what I wrote.
Remembering the Ramones
I loved this article in Rolling Stone about the Ramones. It reveals what we knew all along: it was never an act for the Ramones. They really were cretins, plagued with mental and physical ailments and limited intelligence. They were put on this earth to do one thing: Be the Ramones. They did that perfectly and then they all died.
My first Ramones album was the Phil Spector-produced End of the Century, which was an utterly bizarre intro to the band. “I guess this doo-wop shit is punk” I thought. Somehow I still became a fan.
I saw the Ramones two or three times in Miami in the late 80s. They were, of course, great.
But my biggest Ramones moment came during my junior or senior year of high school, when they did an in-store appearance at Yesterday & Today records. My friends and I raced to see them after school, expecting a long line. The place was empty. No one cared about the Ramones except us.
Joey, Johnny, Marky, and CJ (I think this was after Dee Dee quit) sat behind a table, looking pale and uncomfortable in their leather jackets under the glare of fluorescent lights. I nervously approached and asked them to sign the only slip of paper I had in my pocket—an admission slip from the school office; I’d been late that day.
All four Ramones looked over the slip and laughed. “He was tawdy! He was tawdy!” they said in their thick Queens accents. For a moment I felt like I’d joined their tribe of cretins.
My year without exercise
In a slip-and-slide accident last year, I bruised my ribs pretty badly. I thought they were broken but the X-rays said otherwise. If you had seen my kids’ overly cautious attempts at slip-and-sliding, you too would have run full tilt and belly flopped on the cement-like surface.
My ribs hurt for two months and also served as a convenient excuse to avoid all physical activity. It also seemed like a good idea to eat more sweets and drink more beer. I did this for a year.
I did not get fat. When you have a body like Joey Ramone’s — but Joey in his 40s when he took to wearing XXL t-shirts — you don’t really gain weight; the weight just sort of moves. In Joey’s case, and mine, it moves to the gut, resulting in the kind of skinny/fat paradox that women and men find universally attractive.
My little science experiment came to a halt soon after we stayed in an Airbnb with a full-length mirror in the master suite. There was very clearly something wrong with that mirror.
Years ago I read something in one of Haruki Murakami essays on running: “As long as you have a pair of running shoes and a good road you can run to your heart’s content.” It stuck with me, but I never did anything about it because I hated running. Running was stupid. “WHAT IS CHASING YOU???” I would chuckle to myself when runners passed by. “IS THERE A BEAR?”
This spring I took my Cub Scout on an overnight trip to NASA, and Chris Cabana, son of astronaut Bob Cabana, said something else that stuck with me: Every day, through normal physical activity, you crack your bones. Tiny spiderweb-like fractures form and then heal overnight when you sleep. In space, this doesn’t happen. In space, if you don’t exercise constantly, your bones forget how to heal.
“That’s me!” I thought. “I’m like an astronaut who never exercises!”
These pearls of wisdom, from a Japanese novelist and a NASA elementary ed specialist (combined with the grim reaper’s hot breath on a full-length mirror) finally spurred action.
Sarah introduced me to a neighborhood walk she likes to take. I went with her a couple of times and then made a habit of going on my own. Then I expanded the walk into a bigger loop. Then I started…running.
Or… “wrunning,” as I call it: a mix of walking and running. You see (warning: sad excuse) our neighborhood is very hilly.
At first it was painful. It still is painful. I feel like a rusty hinge. My knees hate the downhill; my calves hate the uphill. My lungs hate every goddamn moment.
And yet… when you start with zero muscle mass, it doesn’t take long to see incremental improvements. And I love measuring shit. In a few weeks I’ve shaved four minutes off my total time: from pathetic to merely embarrassing. I can run longer stretches, even up some of the hills. My goal is to run the whole thing, although I still haven’t figured out how to run down a steep hill without windmilling out of control.
I see more deer than people on my run. There is other wildlife, too. In fact, if anyone happens to ask why I am running, I plan to shriek “THERE IS A PACK OF COYOTES CHASING ME! RUN!”
Because running is stupid.
